It’s been a while since my last letter to you in 2012, and I thought it might be a good time to say hi again.
You see, I was perusing Facebook – and taking a break from writing my latest fiction novel about a 17-year-old girl who gets an abortion and has no regrets about it – when I happened on a Mediaite article pointing out that five years ago you promised to move to Costa Rica if the Affordable Care Act passed.
“Speaking to a caller who expressed concerns about the impact of Obamacare on the U.S. healthcare system, Limbaugh said, ‘If this passes and it’s five years from now and all that stuff gets implemented, I am leaving the country. I’ll go to Costa Rica.'”
President Obama signed it into law in March, 2010.
Five years ago.
You’re still here!
Go away already.
I remember when you first flew into my radar – you know, that time you were all pervy and you lied about Sandra Fluke’s testimony on contraception coverage in religious colleges and then demanded that she make a sex video so you could watch? The mere site of you sickened me for quite some time after that. But now that I’ve seen your obnoxious face on the news so many times in these past several years, my disgust has turned into laughter. I laugh at you. Hard. I’m not kidding. I really do laugh at you. You’re such a jerk, it’s literally become funny.
People are boycotting you left and right and your miserable radio show is less and less popular with each new day because you’re a hateful windbag. The image that comes to mind when I think of you is Chet, the disgusting farting monster from the ‘80s movie Weird Science.
I know that without a doubt many Americans feel the same way I do and we want you to keep your promise.
Move. Go to Costa Rica. Now. Please. You’re nasty and mean and you lie. Go away.
In my very first open letter to you, I included the song How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away by Dan Hicks and His Hot Licks. Yes, it was funny, but I meant it.
Go away Rush. Hurry. Keep your promise. You are a joke. You’re gross. Move. Now.
So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu….